Thursday, January 5, 2012

Search Keywords

As I was looking at the sad state my blog stats are in......
I'd like to blame the holidays and my lack of posting so please humor me.
I was reading through my Search Keywords section under the traffic source tab.
And I thought what an interesting story it would make.
The searched keywords words are bold....in case you couldn't figure that out.
So here you go a short story made from my Search Keywords







The box


Stella looked down at her new Owen Hunt clothes. She loved the way they felt against her skin which is why she put out the ridiculous amount of money for them. Looking at the tools and box in front of her she wished she had worn something different while working on turning a wooden box into a Romeo and Juliet project. It seemed like lately all she ever thought about was unobtainable romance. She really had to broaden her reading away from the Romance novels onto something a little less depressing. The sound of her stomach grumbling reminded her that she intended to stop to eat lunch before continuing the sanding she needed to complete before she could varnish the box. Putting on her jacket she headed outside where she knew a vendor would be waiting there to sell lunch to the local shop keepers. She ordered a hotdog which the vendor obnoxiously called a Frankenfurter on his menu. It wasn't the best she ever had but she was hungry and therefore she ate it with pleasure. The best hotdog she ever had was when she was on a date with Jake Ryan. Not the Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles. No the Sixteen Candles Jake Ryan was hot. This Jack would be better suited as the fungus man from one of the best Stephen King short stories Grey Matter. Cringing from the thought of that creep she made her way back into the back door of her shop. The wooden box waiting patiently for her to complete. Stella knew that this box would bring her the happiness she deserved. All she ever wanted was a story like romance. She spent hours reading romance novels and watching romantic movies on television and at the theater. She dreamed of a love like Sookie and Eric. He was so strong and well.....evil but he loved Sookie and protected her. She could forgive evil if she found someone who really loved her. Her thoughts drifted to all of the men she rejected for one reason or another. Some because they were not attractive enough. Others because they were weak. Until time began to close in and she had to say I don't care any more. She had to hurry and being picky was no longer an option. Getting back to work she could smell the scent of death all around her. It mixed with the smells of her project. The smell of wood, fire, heated medal and vanish. The death smell was not just coming from the dead man laying on the back table. It was coming from her own diseased body. The dead man was her last date he looked a little like Josh Brolin in Goonies which was good because she liked that movie very much. If she had more time she might have picked a different man but time she did not have. When she found out she was sick she had set this plan in motion. She had spent so many years alone wanting a man to love that the thought of going into the next world alone was unbearable. The plan was to find the perfect man to die with her so that they could be together forever buried in this lovers box. It would be completed by tonight. She would place him in the box and then she would climb inside drink the poison and join him in the afterlife. The instruction she would leave on the table would be for them to be buried in the lovers box in the plot she had purchased. The man had also signed the note. Of course not willingly but he would forgive her because thats what happens at the end of every romance. All you need is love. So take it by force if you have to.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Books make the best gift!




This year and every year for Christmas I always have books on my list.

Usually my Godsons get me a Barnes and Noble gift card which is awesome.
On my wish list of books.........

The Taker by Alma Katsu
11/26/63 by Stephen King
Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson
77 Shadow Street by Dean Koontz
Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D James

I did get a gift card from my godson Ian so.......Thanks Ian. 
And Amber got me The Taker which I started reading and it is really really good! 
So I plan on making a trip to B&N to purchase the rest.

My sister and I bought my Mom a Nook for Christmas.
She was resistant and first but I do think she will enjoy it and being that she does not drive it will make purchasing books easier for her because she won't have to wait for one of her lousy kids to drive her to the bookstore. 
I kid we aren't all lousy......just my brothers.
Judy and I opted to buy her the latest Nook addition because it seemed the easiest to use.
Not that my Mom couldn't handle the Color or Tablet 
ahem...........its just she isn't very good with technology.
shhhhh cause she's old shhhhhhh 
Anyway.......I think she will enjoy the convenience.
Why didn't we buy a Kindle?
I don't like them.
I have researched....from a techie perspective.....and I just like the guts of the Nook better.

Did you have books on your gift list? 
Did you give a book for the holiday?


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I'm baaaaaack!!!

Whew that was quite a break I took there.
But I needed it.
I was starting to lose my mind.....well what is left of it anyway.

Just a recap of everything you missed from my completely amazing life....she says sarcastically.

My brother had a kidney transplant......his fiance gave him her kidney.....they are both doing well.

I gave my daughter the best 20th birthday present.....tickets to the Winter Classic Games.....We LOVE Hockey.

I was off of work from December 23rd until today January 3rd. It was awesome but to be honest I was really starting to get bored and my mind was turning to mush and as much as I love my kids if I had to spend one more second watching my son play video games I may have checked into the local hospital.

I received a Stormy Kromer carry all bag which is awesome because it is made right here in the good old USA.  I have nothing against any other country but it was nice to support a home produced product. Plus they send the most amazing confirmation emails thanking you for supporting them it makes it worth the purchase.

Amber turned 20 yesterday and it just made me feel very old to type that I have a 20 year old child........I think I may excuse myself to the ladies room and cry and look at all of my wrinkles.

Because its possibly everyones last year on Earth I decided not to make any unattainable new years resolutions which I will inevitably break the first week of January and then spend the rest of the year feeling bad for not sticking to those broken resolutions......its the year of the apocalypse so lets live it up!

Well thats about as exciting as it got here in Pennsylvania....how about you did you enjoy your holidays?


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas


Traditionally I decorate my house for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving.
I believe this is because that is when my Mom decorated our house when I was growing up.
The weekend after Thanksgiving starts deer season and so my Dad and brothers would all leave for the week to go hunt.
This left my Mom and her daughters home to pull out all of the decorations and get it done in peace without all of the boys around.

My sister Debbie was always the most excited and we used to joke that if we sat still we would find ourselves covered in Tinsel or wrapped in garland......she decorated anything that didn't move.
Debbie was always an easy target for teasing and still is......sorry Debbie!

I am sincerely lacking the holiday spirit this year.
But my house is not.
Its all decorated and I would like to share it with all of you.




A christmas tree made from books.......what did you expect?


Our traditional tree decorated with Victorian Style ornaments.



The Mom Cave is already for the holidays



 Foyer red christmas balls and red books a pop of color.






The Santa room

My Favorite Aunt ....Aunt Stella helped me make this Santa. She was an incredible artist and I miss her.

My newly started Santa collection.


Edgar.....the elf.....you know because of the hat.









The snow man tree


Well thats all I have for today.....I hope you enjoyed my decorations.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Top Holiday Movies with Jennifer and Stacey

Welcome friends today Stacey and I would like to share with you our picks for top Holiday movies.

Since Stacey is my guest I will let her go first.......

Nightmare Before Christmas
First of all, Tim Burton pretty much gets my Awesomest of All Award in general and then he made this movie.Then you add in Jack Skellington and characters like Oogie Boogie. Wow. Super Wow. And it has really awesome songs which my girls and i can sing for you right now without skipping a beat. And of course there's the fact that anyone's entire family can enjoy this beautifully dark richly movie that adults can enjoy as much as kids and on .... Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, although they didn't open that door yet, but.... wow, what fun!









A Christmas Story
A total classic that you can learn important and serious life lessons from, such as:
whatever you do, don't ...
... shoot your eye out!
... or lick a pole!
... or drop the f bomb! or tell your parents where you heard the f bomb!
... or set your turkey out.
... And, of course, when you win an award, don't be so sure you'll get electric sex and be prepared with the knowledge that whatever you get, your wife my be pretty pissed off about it.













Elf, 
the real life documentary in which Will Farrell reenacts the life of Buddy, the Human adopted by Elves.
I most certainly am not a cottonheadedninnymuggins, are you? Because it's Santa! He's here! I KNOW HIM!!!
In this movie, I also learned where you can find the world's best cup of coffee,
the negative consequences for pissing off an Angry Elf,
how to make friends in the mailroom while enjoying 'syrup' in your coffee,
and why all the cute furry critters in the woods don't necessarily need a hug after all.



Die Hard
I am currently in need of a date for my work party (you can email me your applications and I will choose a winner 'at random'). I haven't been to an office party since I was in my 20's because after that I was a teacher and teachers don't do fun wild crazy office parties. Well, not where I worked. Anyway, I'm really hoping everyone will be drinking and get crazy and do stuff they wouldn't normally and be wild and silly and possibly commit fireable offenses so they are all embarrassed the next day. Since there's no one I want to shamelessly flirt with or anything like that, I just want to observe everyone else. Just some regular old debauchery, maybe a crazy hook up or two, not anything quite as gnarly as the Die Hard terrorists, but still, it's a fun movie. Yippeekayyay, m...f...!!!!! :)










So Stacey pretty much stole two of my picks.....The Nightmare Before Christmas and A Christmas Story. Both of these movies are a holiday must in my house. In fact I torture my family by watching A Christmas Story all day on Christmas day....its played on a loop on one of the cable stations. 

Here are my picks.......



The Year Without A Santa Clause - The Heat Miser and his brother the Snow Miser..... come on need I say more? 
The little girl singing "I'll have a blue Christmas" makes me cry every time. I love this classic animated Christmas movie. It is by far my favorite of all animated Christmas movies from my childhood. I was so excited when it came out on DVD but to me watching these classics on TV is the way to do it. I know I can pop in the DVD any time but there is something special about the anticipation of seeing it in the tv lineup. 























The Polar Express - All though I find the CGI a little on the creepy side, this is a heart warming movie that really makes you want to believe in Santa. It has become part of my holiday tradition to watch this movie while decorating my tree. Watch it just for the musical soundtrack it really is beautiful.































National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - I love this movie because it is absolutely hysetrically funny. All Clark wants is a classic Christmas with his family but he gets way more then that! Chevy Chase could not be funnier in this movie with every slapstick trick pulled out it never gets old watching him fall, get hit by a board, get electrocuted, get attacked by woodland creatures.......so funny!























Muppets Christmas Carol - I am a huge Muppets fan and that may be why this is on my list but I really believe that even if you don't like the muppets you will enjoy thins movie. Michael Caine is awesome as Ebenezer Scrooge. There is singing and dancing and Muppet greatness. This also happens to be one of Amber's favorites from when she was little and so maybe that is also why it is so very dear to my holiday heart.



















The Gremlins - My sister Anne took me into town to see this movie when it came out in 1984. Which probably made this movie even more epic......I am pretty sure my parents did not know she was taking me into Philly. I love everything about this movie. Gizmo is so damn cute! Who didn't wish that they would get a Mogwai for christmas? One of my favorite parts is when the gremlins are caroling outside of mean Mrs. Deagle's house. I know this is probably more of a horror movie then a christmas movie but it all goes down during christmas so that makes it holiday enough for me. This has become one of Christopher's favorites so that makes it extra special.















I would like to note that We purposely left out classics like....It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol and Miracle on 34th Street because you will most likely find them on every top holiday movie list. We wanted to share some that you may have overlooked.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Charlotte and the Not so Creepy Christmas

Every year at Christmas Charlotte would watch as people got into the Holiday spirit.
Decorations adorned every home on her street.
Her own house was filled with cheer and holiday decorations galore.

Even Perry was in the spirit dressing up with a big red hat and long white beard.


But Charlotte did not feel joy.
No matter how many times she heard the song tell her that....."Tis the season to be Jolly"
She did not feel Jolly.

One day she noticed Edgar was wearing a strange hat.
She asked him what the hat meant.
He said "its an elf's hat"
"But you are a gargoyle not an elf" Charlotte said


"Well during the month of December this hat makes me an elf" Edgar said.
"Are elves Jolly?" she asked
"Of course they are" Edgar replied "they work for Santa"

Charlotte had no idea who Santa was.
She decided it would be a good idea to read some of the Christmas books that were in the Library Room.

After the family retired for the night she climbed into a very comfy chair and surrounded herself with
holiday books.

Selecting one with a pretty little girl on the front with the title The Little Match Girl she began to read.



In the dawn of morning there lay the poor little one, with pale cheeks and smiling mouth, leaning against the wall. She had been frozen on the last evening of the year; and the New-year's sun rose and shone upon a little child. The child still sat, holding the matches in her hand, one bundle of which was burnt.

WHAT!

The tears poured from Charlotte's eyes.

What the hell kind of shit is this?
Charlotte thought as she reached for a tissue.
The tears which she could not stop began dripping from her face.



This is not Jolly!
This is not Joyful!
The little girl froze to death!

Throwing the books from the chair Charlotte stormed off to think.

Feeling just awful about the poor little match girl Charlotte sat alone in the dark thinking about her own loneliness.

I must do something she thought.
I want to feel the joy of the season.

She noticed a box sitting on the floor.
On the box was a picture of some sleeping children and creepy fat dude was peeking over the chair at them.
The grin on his face made him look like he was considering having the children for dinner.....
and not as guests!


At first Charlotte thought this was a left over Halloween decoration that was not put away.
But then she read the words on the box and saw that it was about Christmas!

Could it be that Christmas was not only full of cheer but also full of creepy?

Knowing there was only one whom she trusted to tell her the truth she sought out Perry.

She found him by the tree in the family room.
He was trying to decide whether or not this was a tree that he could urinate on.
It was very confusing.
He liked to pee on the trees outside so......


Charlotte asked Perry about the man in the red suit with the evil smile and the sleeping children.

Perry explained that the guy is Santa Clause.
He is the person who brought Perry to this family.
He is Jolly and fat and full of good cheer.

So the creepy guy on the box is Santa?
Charlotte was so surprised.
Perry told her all about Santa and that he is the person she should talk to about her desire to be jolly and joyful and everything but creepy.

He explained that on Christmas Eve after putting the presents under the tree Santa always sits for a bit and goes over his nice list.
"This would be a good time to speak to him" Perry said

But you should really try and find a nice holiday dress so you can maybe look less evil.

Charlotte spent the whole next day searching for something to wear.

When she started to lose hope she thought she could sneak up behind Edgar and steal his hat.



But he caught her and he was not very happy!!

"Go search the attic" he shouted at her.
Taking his advice she climbed into the attic.
And finally.....
She found a lovely dress that was just her size packed into a box with baby clothes and toys.

On Christmas eve she put on her dress and climbed onto the window sill to wait for Santa's arrival.


It seemed like an eternity before she saw the glow and Rudolph's red nose.


She waited patiently as Santa placed the presents under the tree.
She watched as he removed his large red coat and sat down to read his long list.



"Come out little one" Santa said.
Charlotte was filled with fear.
He had known she was watching and waiting.
This guy is really very creepy she thought.

Charlotte went over to the chair and lifted her arms up for Santa to lift her onto his lap.



"What is you want little doll?" he asked


"To be loved" Charlotte said
And was surprised by her words.
All this time she thought she just didn't want to be creepy but really she just wanted to be loved.
She told Santa about the little match girl and how the story made her feel lonely.

Smiling down at her Santa said.....
"Go to sleep tonight little doll. Tomorrow is Christmas. Maybe your wish will come true."

Charlotte sat on the window sill and watched as Santa pulled on his coat.
"Sleep now little doll" he whispered.

So Charlotte laid down on the sill and closed her eyes.
She thought of being loved.
Of being held by little arms.


Charlotte drifted off to sleep with the sound of Santa's sleigh flying through the sky above her house.


To be continued.............

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I don't care anymore

In my youth I used to care an awful lot about what people thought of me.

I worried that people wouldn't see me as being
smart
or funny
or pretty
or nice
I always tried to project an "I don't care" attitude but inside I was just like everyone else
hoping for 
acceptance
inclusion
respect
It took me a long time to realize that I can never be what everyone wants me to be.
I will never meet the expectations of everyone.
And you know what?
That's ok
I have to live my life for me.
I am a good person.....or at least I try to be

If I want people to respect me then I have to earn it.
And if I do everything I can and still don't get it from them well.......
that is their problem not mine.

I no longer worry if people think I am pretty.....I actually would like to punch my younger self in the face for even entertaining such bullshit but ahhhh youth and its vanity!

If you don't like me well.....eh thats ok.
I am an acquired taste.
I'm not for everyone and as long as I or you are not doing anything cruel to each other then.....whatever!

The only people right now whose opinion of me matters is my children
I occasionally stress out over whether or not I am screwing them up with my insanity.
I often worry about how they see me...... not only as a mom but as a wife to their dad and a person to the rest of the world.

On my desk at work I keep things that my children made or wrote.
If I am having a particularly bad day I will sit and look at those things and remind myself of what is really important.
Them!
Nothing else matters.
No one else matters.
They are my pride, my joy and my greatest accomplishment. 

I will share this with you.
Christopher wrote it for me when he was in first grade.
I keep it on my desk at work.
It always makes me smile.


Although in an earlier conversation today with Amber she said that her super power would be the ability to stop time.....so she can get all of her classwork done......yes these are the strange and randomly awesome conversations she and I have.
For me.....
I would like the ability to travel back in time 
and tell my younger self that in the end others opinions will not matter. 
Just be yourself.
For yourself.
And you will be happy!

Then I would punch my younger self in the face for being a vain asshole.
 
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