The story of my thyroid

Recently actress/model/celebrity/television host Brooke Burke-Charvet

posted a video on youtube about her upcoming thyroidectomy.

In the video she talks about the scar that she will have and it made me remember how concerned I was about my scar after I had my partial thyroidectomy.

So today I would like to share with you the story of my partial thyroidectomy.

I am a hypochondriac 

It is a fact that I am not proud of but it is also something that I can not conceal 

so I will just lay that out there.

I also have panic disorder, which I have discussed here before, so there is that too.

Throw on top of that my need to exaggerate and I have set myself up to always be doubted.....when it comes to health issues or say how many police cars were actually on the side of the road.....usually I estimate like a thousand but actually it was only two but whatever.......

Anyway.

I felt a lump in my throat.

Wait....I should say that when I am having a panic attack I rub my throat.

I don't know why.

Probably because I always thought I was choking and so I was doing that thing you do to your dog when you are trying to get it to swallow a pill.....

It's just what I did 

One day while doing that I felt a lump.

Of course it has to be cancer I thought!

Or all of those M&M's I kept thinking I was choking on had formed a large candy coated chocolate ball in my throat.

Upon feeling the lump I immediately sought out someone....anyone to feel this lump.

A crazy person needs confirmation.

So I asked my sister

She felt around and said...."there is nothing there"

I called bullshit and asked a co worker she said "oh yeah maybe" until my sister kicked her chair and then she said "no I don't feel anything"

I wouldn't give up I walked up to pretty much anyone and grabbed their hand to guide them to this lump that I just knew was there.

No one believed me.

I went to my doctor and he said it was probably a muscle and he prescribed a muscle relaxer. 

And upped my Xanax dosage.

Even though I could feel the lump I started to doubt myself.

After all I wasn't having a heart attack but I kept going to the hospital because I thought I was.

I wasn't having a stroke even though I told those firemen I was when I pulled into the station blaring my horn.

Maybe this was just in my head.

Once I got my panic/coo coo crazy disorder under control I brought the subject back 

up with my doctor.

I should say that during my panic crisis I literally had every test done known to man.

One of those tests was to check my thyroid levels because apparently if your levels are out of whack they can make you a whack!

So my doctor tells me this but decided to send me for an ultrasound of my thyroid just to 

make me feel better. 

I go for the ultrasound and lo and behold look at that I giant blob right there attached to 

half of my thyroid.

The doctor suggested that maybe it was a cyst.

After, of course, apologizing for not believing me.

I love my doctor and I don't blame him.

He sent me to have the cyst drained.

Which basically meant someone was going to take a giant needle and stick it through my neck and into this cyst and suck all the gross out.

Yeah it wasn't fun at all!

It hurt like a son of a bitch and I gave birth to two giant children naturally if you get my drift.

Add the fact that you are awake so this person is walking towards you with a fucking giant ass needle that they are going to stab you in the throat with.....I am surprised I didn't pass out.

They didn't get much out and I could tell by the face of the person performing the procedure that it wasn't a good thing that not much fluid came out.

I was pretty sure I was gonna die.

Back to the doctor.....and he explained that I needed to see a specialist and that I would probably need surgery to remove "the growth".

No amount of Xanax in the world could calm my nerves.

I was done for.

I just knew it.

My surgery was scheduled and on the day of the surgery my Mom and husband 

brought me to the hospital.

I was terrified.
However

The surgery was a success.

They removed a plum sized tumor and 75% of my thyroid.

The surgeon/specialist said he was surprised it was a tumor that large as he expected it to be a cyst.

The only complication was that they nicked my vocal cords a little bit so I lost my voice for a little while.....my husband and children were thrilled.

bastards

When all was said and done the tumor was benign and I was told it was a good thing that they removed it when they did because it was a degenerating tumor that if left untreated would have become cancerous.

My doctor was very apologetic for not believing me.

But pretty much everyone else was like....

Well you are crazy how were we supposed to know or you complain about so many health things we just started ignoring you.

Ah ya gotta love family!

 All that was left to worry about was the scar.

It was big and kind of gross. I was worried it would never stop being red and swollen.

After a few weeks it looked like this

Then it looked like this

And now it looks like this

So I was worried for nothing.

Which is pretty much the result every time I worry.....Thankfully.

When I returned to work after my surgery I wore scarves because I didn't want to gross anyone out.

But my God did it itch so after a day or two I gave that up.

Plus people seeing the scar gave me reason to make up stories as to what happened.

I said that I got injured saving a child from a knife wielding maniac

I said I took my halloween costume as Nearly Headless Nick (from Harry Potter) too seriously

I said a clown attacked me....because more people need to know that clowns are scary

I said I cut myself shaving.
I said training to be a ninja is very dangerous.
I said what scar?

I have to have my thyroid levels checked every year. 

So far that 25% remaining has been kicking ass because I don't have to take medicine to 

control my levels.

Well that is my thyroid story.

I hope you enjoyed it.

And I wish Brooke good luck with her surgery and recovery.

I love the Walking Dead

As you may know from previous blog posts....

I love the Walking Dead

I love everything about it.

The acting

the writing

the zombies

the scenery

dare I even say.....the violence

I may have also already mentioned that my brother Michael

you may remember him as the most amazing brother in the world 

is the first to introduce me to the world of zombies when he took me to see Night of the Living Dead.

It was this movie that sealed my love for the decaying flesh of the zombie.

This summer I decided to read all of the comics

I originally purchased them from Barnes in Noble via Book 1 which featured the first 12 comics put together nicely in a single book.

But that started getting a little pricey as each book was 14.99 

One day while wondering the isles of Barnes and Noble I found the Walking Dead Compendium

which contained 1-48

Needless to say I snatched that up because it was way cheaper than purchasing 

all of those individual books.

The only complaint I had with it is that it is about the size of a Philadelphia phone book 

and just as heavy.

There are a few differences between the comics and the television show.

None that really bother me.

After all as a Stephen King fan I am used to film writers/ television writers making random unnecessary changes to a very good story.

Usually with King however it ends up being awful.

But with this it's not too bad.

My only disappointment is actually with the comics and that is that there is no Daryl Dixon character

and I love Daryl Dixon

  

Anyway a coworker.....well sort of.....had the rest of the books and with those it brought me up to comic 100 and since then I have been purchasing the comics myself as they come out.

The only problem with that is that I got used to the giant book or the smaller book containing multiple comics so the actual comic books seem so short.

It's kind of like someone setting a cupcake in front of you and you just want to devour the whole thing but you are only allowed to like nibble little pieces off once a month at random times.

I am a huge fan of television 

I am not proud to say

But this season I have only been really addicted to two shows.

The Walking Dead and Homeland 

The rest of the shows I watch I don't mind if I miss and episode 

or if I read a spoiler

But these shows I can't miss and if I do then I am waking up at the crack of dawn to watch them before I go to work.

American Horror is no where near as good this year and that makes me sad because that was one of my most favorite shows last year.

Anyway......

I now consider myself a comic book nerd

just one more nerdy thing to add to the list of nerdy things about me.

Charlotte the creepy puppy whisperer

I have put off doing a Charlotte post because Christopher felt it was too soon after losing Perry.

Recently he gave me his ok to do a new Charlotte post featuring Brayden our new French Bulldog.

So please enjoy this story about Charlotte and her new friend Brayden.

Charlotte the Creepy puppy whisperer

Charlotte was still filled with sadness over the loss of her friend Perry. He had grown to be such an important part of her effort to be less creepy. The boy was even starting to walk past her instead of running past her whenever she was placed in an area he needed to be. Now Perry was gone and a sadness had spread through the house. The family brought home a new puppy but he just wasn't the same. He was young and reckless. Charlotte needed to think of a plan because if she didn't become less creepy she feared the return of Creepy Dolls Inc and without Perry who would help her protect the family?

She fell asleep and dreamed about Perry and what he would do if he were still with her.

When morning came she knew what she had to do.

She needed to get this Brayden in line. He needed to start behaving himself and once she had his behavior in control she could train him to  protect against Creepy Dolls Inc and also be her friend. She needed a friend to help in her no more creepy goal.

She knew the other dolls wouldn't be much help. They didn't care if people thought they were creepy. They spent most of their days upstairs gossiping and didn't bother with the people. But she wanted to get their opinion anyway so she joined them for a gossip session.

Charlotte asked them what they thought of the new puppy.

 "Oh he is a trouble maker."

 Rachel said. "I heard the boy tell his mom that he

 keeps chewing on his game controller."

Charlotte asked what they thought could be done about his behavior and they all said "he needs to be trained."

Charlotte didn't know anything about dog training but the boy loved to watch shows about dogs and she knew the answer could be found on the television.....that's why they watched it so much right?

Charlotte turned on Animal Planet and watched every show she could find about dogs.

She was ready to help Brayden!

When Charlotte went into the family room she found Brayden chewing on the Xbox remote.

She told him that he shouldn't chew on that. She told him the boy wouldn't like it.

Brayden looked at her and said "what are you talking about I'm not chewing on anything."

She watched as he stretched himself away from the remote but she knew what he was up to.

No sooner had she looked away before he had the remote back in his slobbery little mouth.

"Brayden No" she said

He let go and walked away.

In the kitchen he found the boy's shoe and began to chew on it.

"Brayden No" she said "That's bad"

Grabbing one of his many chew toys she told him

"This is what you are supposed to chew on."

                            

     Brayden looked at Charlotte and said 

"Bitch please I don't have to listen to you"

Charlotte told Brayden the story of Perry.

She told him about how much the family loved Perry.

She told him how the boy loved Perry the most.

Charlotte showed Brayden the photo of Perry and the little box where they kept Perry's ashes.

Brayden thought that was pretty creepy but Charlotte, who knew exactly what creepy was, explained that they kept him like that because they loved him and couldn't let him go.

Brayden wanted to be loved like that not in a dead in a box way but in a I can;t let you go way. 

He asked Charlotte to help him.

She first explained that her reasons for helping were somewhat selfish. She told him about how Perry was helping her be less creepy and about Creepy Dolls Inc and how they might return.

Brayden promised that he would help her but only after she helped him.

"Ok" Charlotte said "let's start with peeing in the house. They don't like it. So you need to stop. You have to pee outside."

Charlotte went outside with Brayden and showed him a good spot where he could pee.

She clapped for him and told him he was such a good boy!

When they went back inside she talked to him about only chewing on his toys.

Brayden felt good about learning all of the things he needed to do to be a good boy. 

He gave Charlotte a big sloppy kiss and promised that they would be friends forever.

 Brayden suggested that maybe they could even get married. 

Charlotte threw her head back and laughed. 

"We can't get married you are a dog and I am a doll."

Brayden said "Here is your first lesson in not being creepy....don't throw your head back and laugh like that because that is some creepy shit."

 The End