The story of my thyroid

Recently actress/model/celebrity/television host Brooke Burke-Charvet

posted a video on youtube about her upcoming thyroidectomy.

In the video she talks about the scar that she will have and it made me remember how concerned I was about my scar after I had my partial thyroidectomy.

So today I would like to share with you the story of my partial thyroidectomy.

I am a hypochondriac 

It is a fact that I am not proud of but it is also something that I can not conceal 

so I will just lay that out there.

I also have panic disorder, which I have discussed here before, so there is that too.

Throw on top of that my need to exaggerate and I have set myself up to always be doubted.....when it comes to health issues or say how many police cars were actually on the side of the road.....usually I estimate like a thousand but actually it was only two but whatever.......

Anyway.

I felt a lump in my throat.

Wait....I should say that when I am having a panic attack I rub my throat.

I don't know why.

Probably because I always thought I was choking and so I was doing that thing you do to your dog when you are trying to get it to swallow a pill.....

It's just what I did 

One day while doing that I felt a lump.

Of course it has to be cancer I thought!

Or all of those M&M's I kept thinking I was choking on had formed a large candy coated chocolate ball in my throat.

Upon feeling the lump I immediately sought out someone....anyone to feel this lump.

A crazy person needs confirmation.

So I asked my sister

She felt around and said...."there is nothing there"

I called bullshit and asked a co worker she said "oh yeah maybe" until my sister kicked her chair and then she said "no I don't feel anything"

I wouldn't give up I walked up to pretty much anyone and grabbed their hand to guide them to this lump that I just knew was there.

No one believed me.

I went to my doctor and he said it was probably a muscle and he prescribed a muscle relaxer. 

And upped my Xanax dosage.

Even though I could feel the lump I started to doubt myself.

After all I wasn't having a heart attack but I kept going to the hospital because I thought I was.

I wasn't having a stroke even though I told those firemen I was when I pulled into the station blaring my horn.

Maybe this was just in my head.

Once I got my panic/coo coo crazy disorder under control I brought the subject back 

up with my doctor.

I should say that during my panic crisis I literally had every test done known to man.

One of those tests was to check my thyroid levels because apparently if your levels are out of whack they can make you a whack!

So my doctor tells me this but decided to send me for an ultrasound of my thyroid just to 

make me feel better. 

I go for the ultrasound and lo and behold look at that I giant blob right there attached to 

half of my thyroid.

The doctor suggested that maybe it was a cyst.

After, of course, apologizing for not believing me.

I love my doctor and I don't blame him.

He sent me to have the cyst drained.

Which basically meant someone was going to take a giant needle and stick it through my neck and into this cyst and suck all the gross out.

Yeah it wasn't fun at all!

It hurt like a son of a bitch and I gave birth to two giant children naturally if you get my drift.

Add the fact that you are awake so this person is walking towards you with a fucking giant ass needle that they are going to stab you in the throat with.....I am surprised I didn't pass out.

They didn't get much out and I could tell by the face of the person performing the procedure that it wasn't a good thing that not much fluid came out.

I was pretty sure I was gonna die.

Back to the doctor.....and he explained that I needed to see a specialist and that I would probably need surgery to remove "the growth".

No amount of Xanax in the world could calm my nerves.

I was done for.

I just knew it.

My surgery was scheduled and on the day of the surgery my Mom and husband 

brought me to the hospital.

I was terrified.
However

The surgery was a success.

They removed a plum sized tumor and 75% of my thyroid.

The surgeon/specialist said he was surprised it was a tumor that large as he expected it to be a cyst.

The only complication was that they nicked my vocal cords a little bit so I lost my voice for a little while.....my husband and children were thrilled.

bastards

When all was said and done the tumor was benign and I was told it was a good thing that they removed it when they did because it was a degenerating tumor that if left untreated would have become cancerous.

My doctor was very apologetic for not believing me.

But pretty much everyone else was like....

Well you are crazy how were we supposed to know or you complain about so many health things we just started ignoring you.

Ah ya gotta love family!

 All that was left to worry about was the scar.

It was big and kind of gross. I was worried it would never stop being red and swollen.

After a few weeks it looked like this

Then it looked like this

And now it looks like this

So I was worried for nothing.

Which is pretty much the result every time I worry.....Thankfully.

When I returned to work after my surgery I wore scarves because I didn't want to gross anyone out.

But my God did it itch so after a day or two I gave that up.

Plus people seeing the scar gave me reason to make up stories as to what happened.

I said that I got injured saving a child from a knife wielding maniac

I said I took my halloween costume as Nearly Headless Nick (from Harry Potter) too seriously

I said a clown attacked me....because more people need to know that clowns are scary

I said I cut myself shaving.
I said training to be a ninja is very dangerous.
I said what scar?

I have to have my thyroid levels checked every year. 

So far that 25% remaining has been kicking ass because I don't have to take medicine to 

control my levels.

Well that is my thyroid story.

I hope you enjoyed it.

And I wish Brooke good luck with her surgery and recovery.

I love the Walking Dead

As you may know from previous blog posts....

I love the Walking Dead

I love everything about it.

The acting

the writing

the zombies

the scenery

dare I even say.....the violence

I may have also already mentioned that my brother Michael

you may remember him as the most amazing brother in the world 

is the first to introduce me to the world of zombies when he took me to see Night of the Living Dead.

It was this movie that sealed my love for the decaying flesh of the zombie.

This summer I decided to read all of the comics

I originally purchased them from Barnes in Noble via Book 1 which featured the first 12 comics put together nicely in a single book.

But that started getting a little pricey as each book was 14.99 

One day while wondering the isles of Barnes and Noble I found the Walking Dead Compendium

which contained 1-48

Needless to say I snatched that up because it was way cheaper than purchasing 

all of those individual books.

The only complaint I had with it is that it is about the size of a Philadelphia phone book 

and just as heavy.

There are a few differences between the comics and the television show.

None that really bother me.

After all as a Stephen King fan I am used to film writers/ television writers making random unnecessary changes to a very good story.

Usually with King however it ends up being awful.

But with this it's not too bad.

My only disappointment is actually with the comics and that is that there is no Daryl Dixon character

and I love Daryl Dixon

  

Anyway a coworker.....well sort of.....had the rest of the books and with those it brought me up to comic 100 and since then I have been purchasing the comics myself as they come out.

The only problem with that is that I got used to the giant book or the smaller book containing multiple comics so the actual comic books seem so short.

It's kind of like someone setting a cupcake in front of you and you just want to devour the whole thing but you are only allowed to like nibble little pieces off once a month at random times.

I am a huge fan of television 

I am not proud to say

But this season I have only been really addicted to two shows.

The Walking Dead and Homeland 

The rest of the shows I watch I don't mind if I miss and episode 

or if I read a spoiler

But these shows I can't miss and if I do then I am waking up at the crack of dawn to watch them before I go to work.

American Horror is no where near as good this year and that makes me sad because that was one of my most favorite shows last year.

Anyway......

I now consider myself a comic book nerd

just one more nerdy thing to add to the list of nerdy things about me.

Charlotte the creepy puppy whisperer

I have put off doing a Charlotte post because Christopher felt it was too soon after losing Perry.

Recently he gave me his ok to do a new Charlotte post featuring Brayden our new French Bulldog.

So please enjoy this story about Charlotte and her new friend Brayden.

Charlotte the Creepy puppy whisperer

Charlotte was still filled with sadness over the loss of her friend Perry. He had grown to be such an important part of her effort to be less creepy. The boy was even starting to walk past her instead of running past her whenever she was placed in an area he needed to be. Now Perry was gone and a sadness had spread through the house. The family brought home a new puppy but he just wasn't the same. He was young and reckless. Charlotte needed to think of a plan because if she didn't become less creepy she feared the return of Creepy Dolls Inc and without Perry who would help her protect the family?

She fell asleep and dreamed about Perry and what he would do if he were still with her.

When morning came she knew what she had to do.

She needed to get this Brayden in line. He needed to start behaving himself and once she had his behavior in control she could train him to  protect against Creepy Dolls Inc and also be her friend. She needed a friend to help in her no more creepy goal.

She knew the other dolls wouldn't be much help. They didn't care if people thought they were creepy. They spent most of their days upstairs gossiping and didn't bother with the people. But she wanted to get their opinion anyway so she joined them for a gossip session.

Charlotte asked them what they thought of the new puppy.

 "Oh he is a trouble maker."

 Rachel said. "I heard the boy tell his mom that he

 keeps chewing on his game controller."

Charlotte asked what they thought could be done about his behavior and they all said "he needs to be trained."

Charlotte didn't know anything about dog training but the boy loved to watch shows about dogs and she knew the answer could be found on the television.....that's why they watched it so much right?

Charlotte turned on Animal Planet and watched every show she could find about dogs.

She was ready to help Brayden!

When Charlotte went into the family room she found Brayden chewing on the Xbox remote.

She told him that he shouldn't chew on that. She told him the boy wouldn't like it.

Brayden looked at her and said "what are you talking about I'm not chewing on anything."

She watched as he stretched himself away from the remote but she knew what he was up to.

No sooner had she looked away before he had the remote back in his slobbery little mouth.

"Brayden No" she said

He let go and walked away.

In the kitchen he found the boy's shoe and began to chew on it.

"Brayden No" she said "That's bad"

Grabbing one of his many chew toys she told him

"This is what you are supposed to chew on."

                            

     Brayden looked at Charlotte and said 

"Bitch please I don't have to listen to you"

Charlotte told Brayden the story of Perry.

She told him about how much the family loved Perry.

She told him how the boy loved Perry the most.

Charlotte showed Brayden the photo of Perry and the little box where they kept Perry's ashes.

Brayden thought that was pretty creepy but Charlotte, who knew exactly what creepy was, explained that they kept him like that because they loved him and couldn't let him go.

Brayden wanted to be loved like that not in a dead in a box way but in a I can;t let you go way. 

He asked Charlotte to help him.

She first explained that her reasons for helping were somewhat selfish. She told him about how Perry was helping her be less creepy and about Creepy Dolls Inc and how they might return.

Brayden promised that he would help her but only after she helped him.

"Ok" Charlotte said "let's start with peeing in the house. They don't like it. So you need to stop. You have to pee outside."

Charlotte went outside with Brayden and showed him a good spot where he could pee.

She clapped for him and told him he was such a good boy!

When they went back inside she talked to him about only chewing on his toys.

Brayden felt good about learning all of the things he needed to do to be a good boy. 

He gave Charlotte a big sloppy kiss and promised that they would be friends forever.

 Brayden suggested that maybe they could even get married. 

Charlotte threw her head back and laughed. 

"We can't get married you are a dog and I am a doll."

Brayden said "Here is your first lesson in not being creepy....don't throw your head back and laugh like that because that is some creepy shit."

 The End

I think this Ouija board is haunted

I had a bunch of Halloween related posts that I planned to share but 

Hurricane Sandy had other plans for me.

So if you don't mind I will continue to post Halloween stuff even after today.....which is Halloween.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

I love Halloween, as you know, it is my most favorite time of year.

I love anything and everything scary/spooky/creepy....except clowns.

But lets not talk about them.....they can feel you thinking about them and then they come for you.

Shit I just scared myself.

What was I saying? Oh yeah.....

Maybe it is because of this love for the strange that I always wanted an Ouija Board.

I kind of wanted and old one. They do still sell these in my local toy store.

But I wanted an old one.

I found this one on Etsy and it was listed as Vintage 1972......and I am also Vintage 1972

so it seemed like the perfect match.

It had the original box and everything.

When it arrived bringing with it the musty smell of an old cellar I was so excited.

I immediately placed it in my Dinning Room which I set up to look like a witch's spell room.

Whatever that is......

Anyway it went perfect with the rest of the decorations.

Then things started to happen.

Things that maybe a normal person....unlike myself....would maybe not notice.

The little paddle thingy that you use to ask questions would be moved from the center of the board over to yes or no.

I asked my son if he moved it and he looked up at me from playing Minecraft and said "huh" so I know it wasn't him.

I asked my husband if he moved it and he said "No I won't go near that devil worship board. I told you I don't even like it in the house."

So I know that big chicken didn't touch it.

I purposely placed it on Good Bye and the next time I looked at it it was on No.

All of this is weird and could easily be written off as someone moving it and not saying.

Then I started hearing voices coming from downstairs.

And before you ask no it wasn't the voices of my family nor the voices in my head.

But the sound of full conversations happening when no one else is in the house but me.

The creepiest thing by far was one night when I was sitting in my bed reading the light from my iPad the only source in the room.

I felt something sit on my bed.

It was that distinct pressing down movement as if someone came up and sat at my feet.

I didn't move or breathe and then it just went away.

All of this started when I opened up that Ouija board and placed in it my dining room.

So is it haunted?

Who knows.

But I LOVE the idea that it might be.

My husband....not so much....big baby.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Review: Sinister

Review contains spoilers

I saw Sinister on Friday night with my sister Judith and sister in law Letitia.

I had high hopes for this movie.

Sadly those hopes were shattered.

Who is viewing the final cut of these films?

I want to know.

So I can shake them and ask what the hell were you thinking.

The movie starts off great.

the premise is terrific....

True Crime writer moves his unknowing family into the home of a recent crime scene where a family was murdered.

He intends on writing a book about the murders.

The beginning scene is very intense and my hopes swelled and I thought if it keeps this intensity this may be.....finally a good "scary" movie.

When the police sheriff gets out of his car and his badge says Pennsylvania I was even more scared/excited/worried/excited/scared......because I live in Pennsylvania and a scary movie set in your own town/city is extra frightening.

But.......it all went down hill from there.

The scares were forced.

All haunted house bullshit.

Someone jumps out.

There is a bang.

A door slams shut.

What are we stupid?

The only scene that could have been remotely frightening was shown in the damn trailer which pisses me off.

The murder scenes were scary in that in this sick world they could happen.

 And had the movie not turned into some ridiculously hokey bullshit with a bunch of white faced kids putting there fingers to their mouths in the shhhhhhh motion.

It may have actually been good.

Even though the bad guy was some supposed demon/god/monster

It still would have been better without the kids.

The ending was awful and it didn't have to be.

If it had just ended with the kid standing there looking at her father it could have redeemed itself a little but......nope.

In the end this was just another disappointing piece of garbage that I wasted my $11 bucks on.

If the movie industry wants to stop people from pirating movies they better start making movies that won't make me regret spending my hard earned money. 

At least make it look like you tried.

 

These times they are a changing

Hi there blog world. 

I have been absent.

No I was not abducted by aliens....although I am pretty sure they are coming.

No I wasn't killed after being crushed by a mile high pile of unread books.

I was trying to decide where I wanted this blog to go.

I got myself into a situation where I was feeling like I needed to constantly read something in order to have something to post about.

Or in order for my blog to seem interesting.

By going back and reviewing older posts I found that the posts that received the most hits weren't posts about books.

So it got me thinking.......I could still do this without talking about books so much.

Right now my life is hectic.

I don't have as much time to read as I used to.....or rather I read at a more leisurely pace so the ability to review in a timely manner just isn't possible.  

I am preparing for some very important certifications so I am reading a lot of technical text books which are not really that interesting.

So I am sure you wouldn't want me to review them.

Anyway the real point of this blog was to write.

So write I shall.

Tomorrow I will post a movie review.

I also want to talk about the Walking Dead sometime this week.

I have a lot to say.

I don't know if there is anyone still out there but if you would care to listen I would be happy to talk to you:)

I miss being a kid

Let me start off by saying I hate blogger!

I know I have said it before.

And I know I have threatened to leave Blogger for WordPress.

But I mean it this time!

All of my reviews that I have posted under my Book Chat tab are gone except for a random few.

I was going to repost them all but I just don't have the patience.

Anyway........

When I say I miss being a kid it doesn't mean I would want to be a kid today.

Because I wouldn't.

There was a feeling of innocence when I was a kid that kids today just don't get to experience.

As a parent I know I have allowed this.

I let my son play violent video games.

I let my daughter watch PG13 movies before she was 13.

But I think technology is to blame.

I love technology.

It is my life.

Without it I would be out of a job.

But kids don't play anymore.

They don't use their imaginations.

Christopher's idea of playing is going onto Xbox Live and joining a group with his cousins and playing MineCraft. Which happens to be the most ridiculous game I have ever seen.

It makes me dizzy watching it.

I should probably say instead that I miss my childhood.

Growing up we played outside.

The usual games like.....

freeze tag

hide and seek

spring 

(kind of like tag but you can "spring" the other players who were caught)

wall ball

street hockey

My house was on a street that had large factories on the end of the block. 

A parking lot

or the "mill lot" as we called it.

Separated the houses from the mill buildings.

It ran between my street Freeland and the street parallel Peachin.  

We were not "allowed" in the mill lot.

And during the day we usually abided by that rule and we played in the street or at the local play ground which was a block from my house.

At night though.

When the mill was closed we made that our spot.

The mill owners locked the gates but that didn't keep us out.

I should say that my street was on a fairly steep hill. The houses at the top and the mill at the bottom.

The lot in the middle was leveled off obviously for parking reasons and this gave it an almost enclosed feeling. High walls with even higher black wrought iron fencing gave it a prison like effect.

The gates were also made of heavy iron as a kid they appeared to be 15 feet high but in reality they were probably more like six feet.

Someone from the older group of neighborhood kids bent the bars so we could squeeze though,

Or they cut one of the spokes at the bottom of the locked gate and we crawled underneath. 

Usually feet first dragging her self across the still hot blacktop.

But you were a kid so who cared if you got burnt and dirty.

Squeezing through the bent bars was always easy for a string bean kid like me but some of my more pudgier friends had to be pushed from the back and pulled from the front.

The allure of the mill lot was that we were not supposed to be in there.

My house was just two doors up so my mother hanging clothes on our line out back would clearly see us so hiding behind the wall was important.

I will say that eventually the mill owners stopped being such hard asses about it and we played freely but there were times when we ran from the cops who came down the street and blasted us with their spot lights. We scattered like cockroaches running out the opposite end .

Some of the things we did in the mill lot were the usual tag, football, wiffle ball, hockey, Someone even set up a basketball hoop.

Your average childhood games

Sometimes we dared each other to "go down the little pit" 

which was a concreted walk way about a three foot drop from the mill parking lot. 

It separated the parking area from the building.

The little pit had steps which made it less scary.

It was dark down there though.

The "big pit"

was a 10 foot drop (this is not accurate but rather guesses) and was filled with kid high weeds and broken bottles and I am pretty sure rats and any other city related rodent/bug you can imagine.

Walking or being dared to run along the wall of the big pit was a big deal.

It was in the mill lot that we played a game called "I believe in ghosts"

I have no idea if this is a real game or if someone made it up.

But it consisted of us all holding hands.

Closing our eyes and walking though the dark deserted lot chanting

.....I believe in ghosts......I believe in ghosts.......I believe in ghosts

At which point someone would inevitably get freaked out.

Swear they saw a shadow looking out of the blackened mill window and we would all go screaming towards the fence and push each other through the makeshift exit.

Scaring each other either by daring to go down the pit or telling a story about seeing a ghost in the abandoned house....known in the neighborhood as 4112 

pronounced forty one twelve.

Or the ghost of mean Mrs. Wendel who hated pretty much every kid in the neighborhood. 

Actually we were pretty sure she hated kids in general

I think my friend Mary was the only one that woman liked.

I loved it.

The scaring people with a story or being scared to walk past a house for fear of seeing a ghost.

I loved it all.

And now at the age of 40 I like nothing better.

My tastes always go to the macabre 

Shows like

The Walking Dead

American Horror

are guaranteed a spot on my precious DVR

Movies like

Possession

ParaNorman

Silent House

are guaranteed a ticket sale from me

Books by Stephen King, John Saul and Dean Koontz fill my shelves.

My imagination is so vivid because I exercised it so much as a kid.

Sometimes on dark rainy nights when I am the last one to go to bed I remember those tales of my childhood.

And I can not run up those steps fast enough.

I even removed the old wooden rocker that used to sit in the Mom Cave because I was fairly certain I saw Mrs. Wendel sitting in there one night.

And she did not look happy to see me.

How about you. Do you have some childhood memories that live on in your imagination?

I am reading: A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

 

Review of Freak by Jennifer Hillier

So I am back from my 9 day vacation in Disney World. 

I will tell you all about it in another post. 

Right now I want to talk about the second novel by my blog friend and yours....

Jennifer Hillier

I was lucky enough to receive an advanced reader copy of this book.

The day it arrived in my mailbox was like Christmas morning.

I was so beyond excited!

I loved Jennifer's first book Creep and I just knew that this second book was going to be awesome.

Here is the Overview from Barnes and Noble

Overview
Suspense magazine chose Jennifer Hillier’s “truly frightening” debut, Creep, as one of 2011’s best novels, while #1 bestselling author Jeffery Deaver cautioned “you better call in sick—you’re not going anywhere until you finish reading.” Now, Hillier returns to the Pacific Northwest college town where one killer’s stranglehold has ebbed . . . but another sick mind has waited for the perfect moment to pick up where the terror left off.

Sitting alone in a maximum-security prison cell, Abby Maddox is a celebrity. Her claim to fame is the envy of every freak on the outside: she’s the former lover of Ethan Wolfe, the killer who left more than a dozen dead women in his wake and nearly added Puget Sound State professor Sheila Tao to the tally. Now Abby, serving a nine-year sentence for slashing a police officer’s throat in a moment of rage, has little human contact—save for the letters that pour in from demented fans, lunatics, and creeps. But a new wave of murders has given Abby a possible chance for a plea bargain—because this killer has been sending her love letters, and carving a message on the bodies of the victims:Free Abby Maddox.

Jerry Isaac will never forget the attack—or his attacker. The hideous scarring and tortured speech are daily reminders that the one-time Seattle PD officer, now a private investigator, is just lucky to be alive. Abby Maddox deserves to rot in jail—forever, as far as Jerry’s concerned. But she alone may possess crucial evidence—letters from this newest killer—that could crack open the disturbing case. With the help of Professor Sheila Tao, seasoned police detective Mike Torrance, and intuitive criminology student Danny Mercy, Jerry must coax the shattering truth from isolated, dangerous Abby Maddox. Can he put the pieces together before Abby’s number one fan takes another life in the name of a killer’s perverted idea of justice?

Freak is a fast paced, edge of your seat thriller. 

From the very first chapter I was pulled in. The intensity of the crimes leave you with chills and the desire to turn on the light in every room you are entering alone.

Ms. Hillier writes very likable characters.

I admittedly have a major crush on Morris the fiance of Professor Sheila Tao.

It is because of the development of these characters that you really care what happens to them.

The murders and the torment effect you as if you are reading about it happening to someone you know.

I wanted to cry every time Jerry scratched at the scar on his throat.

Abby Maddox is one crazy bitch and although you know deep down inside that she is manipulating someone to commit these crimes you do start to wonder if maybe you might be wrong. 

Maybe she is innocent.

Maybe they should "Free Abby Maddox"

I won't say whether she is or not because that is the fun of reading a thriller like this.

There are so many twists and turns that you just have to keep reading because you have to know......you need to know what the hell is going on!

I highly recommend this book.

Even if you aren't a fan of crime novels you will enjoy the story and characters that Jennifer Hillier has so tightly woven together.

One last thing........

I love the Seattle setting.

I have never been to Seattle.

But Jennifer describes it exactly how I picture it.

Rainy and dark and gritty.

yet beautiful.

Do yourself a favor.

Put down that wretched mess of a book everyone is talking about and pick up this well written sexy thriller!

You won't regret it.

I promise.

Writing takes up a lot of time

In case you didn't know.

Writing takes up a lot of time.

I love the fake Buddhist quote "The trouble is, you think you have time."

I say fake because the Buddha never actually said that but it is always credited to him.

Anyway sorry.

I love this quote because....it is true.

We do think we have time.

Or at least I think I have time.

I think I have time to work my full time job that actually requires me to be on call 7 days a week. 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. The price you pay for working for a hotel.

and

Time to be a good parent who is available at a minutes notice to answer any and all questions. Fix any problems at any time day or night. Being the mother of a college age child means those calls usually come at 2 am because she forgets that I actually don't function on the same hours as she does. The calls are usually very important like "Did you know the Butterbeer they make in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is just cream soda and butter extract?" or "Can you send me the tracking number for that thing you sent me because I want to know when I will get it?"  

Christopher generally saves his problems/questions for that moment when I just get to sit down.

and 

Time to read

and 

Time to write

I am sure you have all felt the pressure of trying to find this time.

This summer has been especially busy for me.

With Amber off in Disney

and Christopher being a gypsy.....he has had more vacations with various members of my family then anyone should be allowed. He has been down the shore, up the mountains, up to the lake and back to the mountains again.

You would think that with two absent children I would have more time but it just doesn't work that way.

I am terrible with time management.

So trying to set any kind of schedule is impossible.

So here I am completely lost.

Wondering where the hell the summer has gone.

Before I know it fall will be here and every goal I have set will be out the window.

Does anyone out there have any time management advise that they would like to impart to a fellow time thief?

I am reading: I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy of Jennifer Hillier's Freak......and I am loving it!  

I am a bad parent

I try very hard to be a good parent.

But it is just so difficult sometimes.

I would like to share with you some of my mistakes so that maybe you won't make them yourself.

When Amber was a baby she learned to walk at a very early age. 

She was only around 10 months old.

Anyone who has children knows that this is an exciting but also an annoying time.

The reason it is annoying is because now you have to chase this little bugger all over the place.

And they are fast!

As a young single mother, Amber and I lived at home with my parents and some of my siblings.

My brothers Billy and Mark along with myself got tired of chasing Amber all over the place.

We were tired from work and we just wanted to sit down for a second and watch some television.

I am not sure which one of us discovered her fear.

Or who decided to use that fear against her......I am voting Mark.

But I took her fear of the Koosh ball.........

In case you aren't familiar a Koosh ball is a rubber ball that has been kind of frayed so it has all of these tentacle type of arms.

The Koosh ball in Amber's case was red and it had a hard plastic face and hands also protruding from its rubber tentacle body.

So I took that fear and we used it.

We would place the Koosh in the hallway to prevent her from leaving the living room.

We would place the Koosh at the bottom of the steps so she wouldn't try to climb the steps......a toddlers favorite thing to do.

We would put that Koosh on anything we didn't want her to touch, move or look at.

It was great!

I mean it was terrible lazy parenting.

It made my life easier but......It traumatized her for life.

We recently saw one in a store and Amber still had the same reaction after all of these years.

My other example is the annual summertime showing of the movie Jaws.

When I go to the beach I like to sit back and relax.

Catch some rays, read a good book, people watch and talk to my sisters.

Having children ruins this experience completely especially if they want to go in the water.

It's fine if they are content digging in the sand under the umbrella but when they want to go down by the water you have to get up.

And stand down there.

So my solution was to show the movie Jaws at the beginning of the summer.

It helps when they are young if you throw in that the movie was shot at (insert your beach location)

The movie must be shown every year.

Children very easily forget so it needs to be fresh in their minds.

Treat it as a serious safety film.

Not a this is a cool movie.

More like a public service announcement.

Amber always had a tendency to be a little bit of a chicken......I mean she was afraid of a red rubber ball.

The boy on the other hand liked the movie from the very first viewing.

He thought sharks were awesome.

He wanted a pet shark.

He wanted to watch shark week and go to the aquarium to see the sharks.

So in order to break him 

I took him to the water.

As he splashed and jumped over waves. 

His back to the vast sea his face happily facing me.

I suddenly made an Oh my God face and pointed.

He flew to my side and I was like oh never mind I just thought I saw a shark fin.

He was done after that.

Happy to bury himself in the sand and build a nice sandcastle.

Terrible

Horrible Parenting

Relaxing day at the beach....yes guaranteed

but terrible parenting.

One last example.

For I fear if I give you too many you may turn me in to social services.

The Pinky Promise

The pinky promise is a sweet innocent thing.

You hook your pinky to someone else and say "pinky promise"

its very sweet.

My twist to this is that I told my children that if you break a pinky promise an evil spirit will come in the night and steal your mother's soul.

She will live for all eternity knowing that you are the one who caused her torment.

So for instance.

I promise I won't do (insert whatever here)

pinky promise?

When your child knows that the promise they are making is not something they plan to keep they will retract the promise.

You pinky will sit hooked in the air until they revise the promise to something more reasonable.

The boy is especially sensitive to the pinky promise.

He is a Mama's boy and would never send his mother to torment over a broken promise.

The minute the words pinky promise escape my lips he is backing away.

Stammering and coming up with a new plan or promise.

This helps when you really want them to do something.

For instance

Mom: I will let you play your video game if you promise to clean your room after.

Kid: Ok Mom I promise

Mom: Pinky Promise?

At this point you can almost see them thinking.....Shit she got me again.

Please do not try any of these at home.

They are terrible 

and I just wanted to confess that I am not a perfect parent.

I am currently reading: Summerland