Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Why I would survive a zombie apocalypse

While looking at my Monday morning zombie-esque co-workers yesterday it got me thinking about my chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse.....and I think they are pretty good!

I took an online quiz and it says I would survive and everyone knows online quizzes are 99.9% accurate. 

Here are some reasons I would survive.

First off I have read and seen every zombie related book and movie.
So I know what I need to know to survive.
Reading is power!

I know how to shoot a gun/rifle. I may not be a sniper but all I need to do is hit them which will give me enough time to get away. Zombies are not fast....you have seen the movies they sort of drag along and when they try to run they trip over each other. My first act of survival will be to gather as many weapons as possible. These include rifles, handguns, baseball bats, hockey sticks...pretty much anything that can be used to whack a zombie over the head. Oh and ammunition can't forget the ammunition.

I am smarter then a zombie which isn't saying much considering a zombies brain is mush. This gives me the advantage of being able to logically think of ways to escape while they are trudging along towards me. This is only necessary if I do not have a weapon at hand.

Zombie do not have super powers that is the main thing here. They can not fly, the don't have super strength, x-ray vision or super speed. I don't have super powers either but I do have a functioning brain and a deep desire to survive.

The best way to avoid a zombie attack is to stay away from the zombies. I am not a hero I just want to survive. There is no shame in running and I don't want to waste ammunition engaging for no reason. Zombies appear to prefer the city, maybe because a city has more people or maybe because they hate pretty meadows with butterflies and flowers, who knows but I will avoid the city only going when I need supplies.

So lets recap
1. Not a hero
2. supplies
3. weapons
4. run

So I am pretty sure I will survive.....how about you?


Unknown said...

I get those same Zombie looks from my students every Monday, Tuesday and well sometimes Wednesday and Thursday. Friday they come alive. Pretty sure I would be the first one killed in any kind of a zombie attack.

Liz Schulte's Blog said...

Ahahaha sometimes I think we are the same person. :-) I would survive too. I have plan of survival and a location already staked out. I have also seen the movies, read the books, I work on my cardio while watching Zombieland, and who needs a hero. I salute you, my fellow survivor.

Creepy Query Girl said...

well, now I know who to hang out with if there's ever a zombie apacolypse! I would be SO dead. lol

Deborah Lawrenson said...

Now I know who to call in a zombie-crisis. Sorted.

Muriel said...

Thanks for the advice. The thing is, I am surrounded by zombies. I am not sure how I kept sane. Must be my daughters...

Andrew Leon said...

I think people underestimate the zombie. Or completely misunderstand them.
1. Why does a zombie need to eat? Anything. They're dead.
2. They're dead. Maybe they just want to kill because they're pissed about that.
3. But they're dead. Do they even still have emotions?
4. They don't need to sleep. If they are out to wipe out humanity, humanity is at a huge disadvantage due to this one weakness of the living.
5. Did I mention they're dead? Pain has no meaning to the zombie.

Fire is your friend.

I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I sound like I'm all engrossed in the whole zombie thing, which I'm not.
However, I do like Butcher's ideas about zombies. Mostly because they don't go in with the standard (current) zombie lore. His zombies do kind of have super powers.

Bluestocking Mum said...

Oh, I'd survive. I have a 17 year old son!

Unknown said...

LOVE it!
My 4 year old summed it up for me the other day... 'mommy, dead zombies are stupid zombies' (ok, ok, our family is a little... different. in a good way (at least I think). But the kids play some zombie video games, so she is forever having 'zombie sleepovers' and discussing what to do if the zombies try to 'get us.'

So... yes, after all this discussion, I would survive! :-)

Have you seen the Woody Harrelson movie, Zombieland?

I'm glad you can shoot and don't forget to double tap. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'd be eaten within the first half hour. Seriously, the side stich gets me within five minutes of running. Plus, I cave into fear too easily. I can see myself paralyzed as a zombie munches on my forearm.

Lesa said...

I'd survive because I'm meaner than a snake!! I rid myself of varmints with my trusty BB gun all the time! Course, I'd need more firepower...

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